My Immortal by Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me



I'm really not sure why, at this point, this song resonates so strongly with me. However, I truly know I was, and likely still am, in love with him. It's been a difficult road for me through this break up, to say the least. Life has handed me lemons and I'm still trying to find the sugar to make lemonade...time, I know. In time, it will come again. As much as it scares me that I'll never find a love like I've had, I know, it will come again. Yet, he'll always be my immortal.

Alone

I've noticed a trend lately. He comes home late at night and just goes to sleep. Why can't I have as little emotion as he does? Why can't I just be happy being alone? I cannot wait to just feel normal again...whole. Sad right? I feel pathetic, but after a third of my life has been spent with one person, it's difficult to just move on...at least for me anyway. I may be giving up on our relationship (now) but I'll never give up on him, he's an important part of my life. He has been a very important part of my life...letting go of that is difficult. I'm losing my best friend. Ugh, I hate this part...

Beating A Dead Horse

Today began as usual, waking up and heading out to work. Things were going ok until I saw a notification on my phone, it was him posting on Facebook, "tired of the crap, leave me the f alone." My blood pressure skyrocketed, I mean sure, I've done some stupid things through this ordeal, some I may not even be proud of, but this time, I felt surely it wasn't about me. I hadn't done anything. If it was about me, why would he post it on Facebook? I began racking my brain trying to figure out what I had done to set him off. I hadn't a clue. Then it hit me, 2 of those 3 framed intensely meaningful (at least to me) pictures that I had given him were in the bedroom. See, last night after he left for another night out, I thought to myself, hey I'm going to hang these. I got distracted when my sister called and set them on the TV stand in the bedroom. I can't imagine why that would piss him off so much, but then again, these days it doesn't take much. I mean he gets angry when he begins to feel sad or maybe even remember that he still loves me. Whatever the case may be, I decided to just not say anything later tonight.

As an aside, it's amazing the number of people who "liked" his status, as if they all have/had an inside line to what really is going on between us. The sad thing, it's not what they think that bothers me, it's what he's told them.

I get home, attempt going for a walk but it's bitterly cold AND drizzling, so instead I sat there watching TV...waiting. He comes home and doesn't say a word. I ask if his status was about me, he replies with a simple "maybe". I apologize for taking those photos and describe my intent, he wonders why I'd want to hang them. So obviously it wasn't the pictures missing. Instead of an explanation of what set him off, I'm informed that he will be moving in February into an apartment with his friend Daniel. He wants to break the lease. He asks, "You never planned to move did you?" I answer honestly and tell him that yes, not only had I planned to move, but that I'm meeting with the agent this weekend. He seemed a bit upset by that, I can't tell if he's just having allergies or maybe crying. It makes me sad.

My tears begin to flow and I sit there wondering why I'm so incredibly sad, trying to hide the fact I'm crying. It's a death and I'm grieving. We've both made a tremendous mess of a very special thing and I'm afraid there's no turning back now. I feel regret for not moving out sooner, remorse for the things I've done and how I acted at times, but the truth is...I'm not crazy and, honestly, in some odd way, I think seeing him everyday since the break up has helped me to see how much he's changed. He's become someone that I'm not sure I like very much; however, I'm also looking at him without the guise of love. Yet, I cry, I grieve and I'm angry...it's truly a sad thing happening and I'm scared of my future without him but I know, somehow, I'll be ok.

I will be stronger, I'm the one with everything to gain...I'm not the loser in this situation. If I can just keep telling myself this, maybe I'll begin to believe it...feel it.




As I sit here typing, he's ferociously texting and there's no sound I despise more than that constant chime. It could be because I feel the topic of conversation is me, I'm probably wrong but who cares, however I wouldn't be surprised. Nothing ceases to amaze me anymore through this whole pile of BS.

The Break Up

I'm reviving my blog for the sole reason that I need my soul and heart to begin healing. So, I'm speaking from the heart in this blog and not from any other standpoint.

Nine years ago I met a man that basically swept me off my feet. I wasn't terribly interested at first and may have just seen it as a game with my youthful mindset. He actually pursued me, I went out with him and, long story short, I fell in love. The kind of love that hurts because you can't imagine a life without him. Nine years of memories, laughter, love and loss...nine years we were there for each other through it all. Here we are on Christmas Day 2012 and those nine years are fading into a memory.

It all began in mid Oct of this year when I noticed a distance between us, I didn't know if there was someone else or what. My heart deceived me every time he would say "I love you more" as a response to my affection. However, I knew something was different. So I did what anyone in my position would do...I looked at his texts. There I found a conversation between him and a coworker regarding possibly becoming roommates. Her marriage was seemingly on the rocks. I knew I had a problem. So I confronted him about the distance, he said, "Im not sure I want to be in a relationship, but lets see how Hawaii goes. I love you and I want this to work."

It's a long flight to Hawaii but truly paradise. A beautiful state that's magic is almost tangible. Things were good, how could it not be? We were in Hawaii! Of course he was deadset on finding a waterfall that he could stand under, so he finds a kayaking outfitter that will "take you to a secret waterfall". Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don't like kayaking or canoeing. Strike #1. A couple days later, he decides to go snorkeling, which he knows I won't do because I get seasick...strike #2. The vacation still went awesome, I had no doubt that our relationship was going strong. We came home, I asked how we were and if everything was good...he said yes.

Life continued, work resumed. He went in for a tonsillectomy the week after our vacation, I helped nurse him through it. However, once again, the following week, I noticed a distance. I watched and waited, still being deceived by the "I love you more's", kisses and hugs. On the evening of November 16, I asked him again how things were and he told me, "I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship anymore. I just want to be alone for a little while." Heartbreak, crocodile tears and utter devastation was where I found myself. However, things became even more complicated.

See...I can't afford to just pick up and move out at a moments notice. So, we're still "living" together. However, here are just a few things I've been told since that day..."I love you"..."I don't want to just break up because I'm afraid I'll lose you"..."I still love you". Oh and, when he thought I was moving on, he jumps down my throat, "Well you've moved on, you don't even want to be with me anymore!" Now, as for going to the gay bars, I've been a few times since the break up; however, since he's also going out, I'm obviously following him...makes sense right? Whatever, it's frustrating.

As for the "crazy" that so many of his friends attribute to me...let me just say this, imagine loving someone so much, knowing they love you too but they've been out doing all kinds of shady, disgusting things with random strangers. Yes, you too may go a little "crazy". Lets be frank, I looked for answers to questions that continue to go unanswered, instead I found a person that isn't who they truly are acting in a way that is, really, kind of disgusting. Well that's just my opinion anyway. Speaking of these "reporters"...remember there are 3 sides to every story.


So, here we are Christmas Day and I'm sitting at home alone. Who knows where he is and I find myself not caring. However, the roads are a bit treacherous out there tonight, so I worry, I can't help it. See, my gift to him this Christmas was a last ditch effort. Aside from the shirt and iTunes gift card, I got him 3 framed pictures. The first, our dog Hero, a beautiful, loving little boy that will be just as devastated at not seeing him everyday as I will once I move. The second, a picture of a sunset in Hawaii, sort of an homage to our relationship but beautiful and a reminder that the sun also rises. The third...back story, when we first met, we had nowhere to just hang out, so we went to this park in Highland Park and would sit on the same bench getting to know each other and, truly, falling in love...the third was a framed picture of that bench next to an old oak tree. He had no real reaction to those, not that that's unusual for him, but still. So now, instead of holding on, I'm trying to move on. I'm heartbroken, angry, feel betrayed and scared of being alone. However, I'm taking that leap, mainly because I'm being forced off the ledge, but it's time to give up on him. I tried, he didn't and that speaks volumes to the content of his character.

I love you S, I always will.

Mekka Mekenna

In the late summer/early fall of 1999, I saw a puppy that one of Kendra's friend's had recently acquired. He was so cute and adorable that I had to get one of my own. So, my sister and I set out to the place they were selling these puppies...the Walmart parking lot in Sherman. They only had two left, a male and a female. I remember it vividly...the male was overly hyper and Mekka was just standing there, wagging her tail. They were tied to the bumper of a truck. We decided on the female. She vomited in the car on the way home, she was in the floorboard of the front passenger seat. I guess she got car sick or was just overwhelmed by the new surroundings/new people. Kendra and I went back to that SAME Walmart and bought a lot of stuff for her, including a new tag. We decided on the drive back to Sherman, to name her Mekka, after a character in a short lived animated show on MTV. I just liked the name Mekenna, and so it fit...Mekka Mekenna.

I remember having to take her out at 5am while my dad was getting ready to go to work. I remember one morning, when my mom knocked on my door, Mekka was soooo protective that she stood on my bed and barked ferociously, then saw my mom open the door and urinated on my bed. This was probably because #1 she needed to go and wasn't let out soon enough and #2 she saw it was my mom.

Fast forward to November 1999, I was involved in a single car accident. By all accounts, I should've either died or been seriously injured but came out unscathed. That exact same night, Mekka began showing symptoms of Parvo. She spent a week in the hospital but recovered. I remember going to pick her up...she was, literally, "bitching" at me the whole way home.

Her "bitching" is a running theme throughout her life, she KNEW how to let us know she was upset and she was ALWAYS accommodated. If there is an art to manipulation, she was the master.

Years went by, my relationship with Mekka grew stronger and stronger. I can remember a time when I began to finally accept myself and had no idea how my family could possibly accept me for who I was/am. She was there. I would tell her that I knew she was my friend and that I knew she loved me unconditionally, she was on my side. She never let me down. She was always there.

(At this point, I just need to say that I KNOW this is a dog, but still)

I met someone, a person that I knew was meant to be. We decided to live together and I left her behind. I missed her, I even stayed overnight at my parent's house one night just for her. I knew I couldn't take her with me. She was a dog that was used to running free on 5 acres of land, living in a house...happy. I couldn't possibly remove her from that to live with me in a small apartment, regulated by a leash and collar. It just seemed cruel.

Days passed into months and months to years. She was always happy to see me. She "bitched" when I would come home. It quickly became apparent that she was getting older, but her tenacity for life was always at the forefront. At Thanksgiving dinner one year, we decided to give her a mild/safe sedative to allow her some form of "ability" to deal with all those people arriving at my parent's home. She didn't react well to that medication. She seized, her heart stopped. Fortunately for us, my aunt Christy, an RVT, was there. We applied compressions to her chest, she came back to us. After that day, she looked older...almost immediately. Mekka never would give up, she continued to provide companionship for a few years.

Mekka eventually succumbed to arthritis. She'd previously endured Wobbler's syndrome, but seemed to make a decent recovery. She became less and less able to walk normally. She was put on medications and seemed to adjust to it. She lost her friend Chase, our Australian Shepherd, on February 18th of this year. At that time, we thought Mekka was deteriorating exponentially...but the evidence left behind were actually those of Chase. After he passed away, she expressed her sadness, as witnessed by my parents. Mekka, wasn't doing as poorly as we thought however.

Days became only months. Almost 2 months, to the day, Mekka was ready to go. Well, I should say, her BODY was ready to go. My sister picked her up at my parent's home and brought her to DVSC. We all knew it was time, but that doesn't make it any easier. I sat with her this morning for a while, mostly trying to calm her down from being "Mekka" aka scared, "bitching". She could no longer walk or hold her bladder. She was a shadow of the dog we once knew...but she was STILL Mekka.

I thanked Mekka today for being there for me when I wasn't sure any one person could. I thanked her for being a best friend and I apologized for leaving her behind. I still feel guilty and will always. It was never my intention to leave her but I felt she would be more happy at my parent's home and WITH my parents...I think she was. She was, and will always be, a good pup. I dread going to my parent's home now, because I cannot imagine going there without hearing Mekka "bitch" at me and giving me that smile.

She's running around now, free of pain, with Chasey Boy and she's happy. I miss her though, always will.

**I thank my mom and dad for taking care of her in her last years. Without them, she would have given up a long time ago. I also have to thank my sister...Kendra was there at the last moment when I couldn't possibly bear it. Kendra was the last person to be with her and I think that's what Mekka would have wanted.

Japan

So most of us have read, seen, heard about what's going on in Japan. It's a terrible, horrific tragedy and, as Americans, we must do our part to help in any way we can.

That being said, I've continued to think about one thing...what if? I mean, Japan is an industrialized nation and, in more ways than one, more advanced than the US. So...what if this happens to us? What if some natural disaster wipes out half the US? I realize many of you may believe that it was some anomaly or fluke incident, however, we keep hearing how Japan is accustomed to earthquakes and has precautions in place for tsunamis. It's been said that the people of that country are educated from birth to expect/prepare for the worst case scenario. So, apparently, this natural disaster has come as a sobering reality...not only to them, but to us. What I'm getting at is this...what if and WHEN will this occur to the USA? What will the people of this country do/react to when half the country is wiped out by natural disaster and we must now rely on foreign assistance? It seems strange...IMO...primarily because we've witnessed major natural disasters in, mostly, un-industrialized countries.

I saw on CNN recently an interview with General Honore, the guy from New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina, and I kept wondering, "WHY are they talking to him?!?" While I understand the comparison of destruction of New Orleans following Katrina and the flooding from the storm surge...there's a distinct difference. We are talking about a country, almost HALF a country...NOT a city...being destroyed by a natural disaster. A country that endured an earthquake (8.9) AND a tsunami...the comparisons are minimal. THIS interview got me thinking, if the United States endured something on a comparable scale...what would be the response?

It is my hope that when something like this happens in the United States, not only will we welcome the assistance but that we are as fortunate as others to have such assistance offered to us.

My thoughts go out to the citizens of Japan, I cannot imagine the toll this is taking on you and yours. May you find some solace in knowing that the United States and it's people are here for you and doing what we can to help.

Chasey Boy

Chase, an Australian Shepherd, came into our family about 6 or so years ago. He was an obnoxious but super sweet little guy and we all loved him almost immediately. Although his "obnoxiousness" could be tiresome at times, he was ultimately a good pup. We "rescued" him, I guess you'd say. There was a family in Coppell that decided they'd rather have a pool in their backyard than a young dog. So they looked for a home, found one but that person wanted an outside dog. Chase, being used to living indoors, would sit outside and cry wanting to come inside. We took him in and, at first, it was a trying experience. See, we already had an indoor dog, Mekka (dalmation). She wasn't uber thrilled at first but she adjusted and grew to love him as well. Best friends.

A little background...as a kid, we always had dogs really but they always lived outdoors. I guess maybe my parents didn't know how to deal with an indoor pet or just weren't willing, either way it was just the way it was and it was ok. After I graduated from HS and after a year in college, we got Mekka (the dalmation), my mom and dad were hesitant at first to have an indoor dog but we all acclimated nicely and she became a HUGE part of the family. A couple years later, here comes Chase...again, he quickly became a member of the family. I moved out several years ago and felt it inappropriate to bring either dog to an apartment. I mean, let's be honest, if you're accustomed to running around on 5 acres of land only to be stuffed into a small apartment, walked on a leash, etc...you'd be unhappy...right? So they live with my parents in Gunter because I KNOW that makes them happy. It's their home afterall.

So fast forward to present day. Mekka is aging, she's going on 12 yrs, which is really rare for a dalmation. She's suffering from arthritis and, essentially, a degenerative disc disease. The meds have not quite helped her as of late and we've been preparing ourselves to make THAT decision. However, I got a call Thursday afternoon from my mom saying Chase wasn't doing well, he was sick.

For those who don't know, I work at a veterinary hospital. I have heard from our clients regarding symptoms running the gamut, from severe to slight. Some even waiting DAYS after those same symptoms begin to even call the vet.

So, my mom tells me that Chase has been vomiting beginning that morning. He's lethargic, drinking water but not eating. So I tell her he needs to see a vet because of possible dehydration and since I'm an hour away, it would have to wait until the morning. I asked her to check all the usual things...temp by touch of ears, nose, gums, etc. He seems to be in not much distress at that point, to me anyway given my experience. My aunt Christy, an RVT, stopped by that night to check him out. His temperature was normal, only slightly dehydrated and not feeling well. So my dad will be bringing him to my hospital the following morning for evaluation, fluids, etc.

Friday morning comes. My phone rings at 6:28am. It's my sister, who works at a veterinary specialists office. I wake up believing she's going to tell me that she's bringing Chase to me so I can take him in once my hospital opens. The words that came from her mouth did not resonate at first, it was unbelievable. "Chase died" she said. I was in shock. I was upset. Denial. I mean how could THAT be the outcome?!?!? HOW?!?!

It still doesn't quite seem real, I mean HE was the HEALTHY ONE! The one that would be mourning our dalmation Mekka!

I later found out that my mom found him dead in the utility room, where he had been confined so water/food could be withheld. According to my mom, she tried to open the door after calling, "Chasey Boy!", but he was in front of that door. She saw blood from his back end...a lot of blood and knew. So, being in the country, you bury your pets. My dad dug a grave for Chase and he's buried at his home in Gunter.

What I can't stop thinking about...Was he in pain or scared just before he passed? I realize this is a dog, but he was a family member regardless and thinking about those things makes me extremely sad. However, Mekka (our dalmation) probably took it worst of all. As my dad was digging the grave and while he was covered by a blanket...Mekka went up to him and sniffed him, began crying and laid next to him. Whoever says dogs are just animals is wrong period.

It was a sad day for my family. Still is.

There's this girl...

Ok this is a "two-girl" post...meaning there are two people I'm referring to, the sad thing is, I can't really differentiate between the two anymore. To begin with, there's this woman that I do not know, don't care about and never will, but she's wreaked havoc on my family. She's a no good, newbie, biatch kinda girl...the one that doesn't understand REAL LIFE but only takes into account what she knows by the book. The kind that doesn't see the grass for trees, the kind that thinks her crap doesn't stink because she's too busy smelling her own perfume...you get me? This woman has nothing on me or my family, yet she's "in control" (for the time being). I cannot wait until that day she's out of our lives, only so I can draw her back in, berate her and cast her aside like last weeks garbage. Sorry, but this woman is a POS in ever sense of the phrase.

Moving on...

There's this other girl...someone that's kinda close to me. She's nice enough, works hard enough and, generally speaking, should, by all accounts, be an "all-around" type of person. However, she has changed and NOT for the better. I do still consider her a friend, in the work sorta way, but things have taken a turn. See, when you become the "boss' favorite", you take one of two roads...either you work hard and continue to be friendly with coworkers OR you act like you're impervious to any consequence. She's apparently chosen that she's "better". The sad thing is, she's genuinely a good person, but I've come to "think bad thoughts" about her lately because I can't stand people that think they are above you simply because the two-bit, craptastic person-in-charge thinks they are friends. Ok, I digress...how would you feel about a person that decided they should VOTE FOR THEM SELF when it comes to a company-wide vote for a silly little award? Sure, it's silly BUT STILL! What a cheater! I swear, as much as I care about this person, she has gone off the deep end and I'm willing to be the one to let her KNOW that. Sad right? It just irritates me to no end. Cheaters never win! WOOT!

EPCOT Food & Wine Festival 2010

As some of you know, we returned home from a week long trip to Walt Disney World this past Tuesday. One of, the many, reasons I love to go to Disney in the Fall is because of the Annual International Food & Wine Festival. It brings me back to that time I lived in Orlando and interned for Disney, but it's also a "slower" time and the atmosphere at Food & Wine is just, well, amazing. For those who are not familiar with this festival, here's the lowdown... In EPCOT, the World Showcase offers a glimpse into the countries of Mexico, Norway, China, Italy, Germany, the US, Japan, Morocco, France, the UK and Canada, there's also the African Outpost. These pavilions come with restaurants, merchandise, an "attraction" and, even cast members, from each respective country. Each pavilion has been designed by that specific country...just some random trivia...after the Moroccan pavilion was designed and built, the government officials from the country toured it and loved it so much, they paid for it. So, the point I'm slowly getting at is that World Showcase is a culturally diverse and amazing part of EPCOT; therefore, the Annual Food & Wine Festival obviously takes place there. This Festival showcases appetizer sized samples of food and wine/beer from, not only, those countries in World Showcase, but an additional 14 countries from around the globe. They are set up as kiosks throughout the World Showcase promenade. So, if you're a "foodie", this is a MUST! I love trying foods from around the world and the pairing of wine or beer...needless to say, one trip around World Showcase and, well, intoxication is inevitable. That being said and in no particular order, here is a non-exhaustive list of our favorites this year from each country represented...(keep in mind we did NOT hit every kiosk or try everything, since I went with someone who doesn't really understand the concept of Food & Wine, but has some concept of money being spent)...

Argentina
-Grilled Beef skewer with Chimichurri sauce and Boniato Puree
-Bodega Norton Cosecha Tardia wine
-Roasted Corn and Cheese Empanada (I WANTED to try this but they were ALWAYS out, which says something!)

Australia
-Grilled Lamb Chop with Roasted Potato Salad and Red Wine Reduction

Belgium
-Freshly Baked Waffles with Berry Compote and Whipped Cream
-Stella Artois
-Godiva Chocolate Iced Coffee

Brazil
Sadly did not visit

Brewer's Collection
-Altenmunster Octoberfest

Canada
-Canadian Cheddar Cheese Soup (this is a CLASSIC, must do)
-Vidal Icewine (portion is extremely small but worth the cash)

Charcuterie and Cheese
Sadly did not visit

Chile
Sadly did not visit

China
-Green Tea Plum Wine Cooler
-the food is standard fair for the Food & Wine Festival, Seam "did not want American Chinese food"

Desserts and Champagne
Sadly did not visit

France
Sadly did not visit (primarily because of the line, however was recommended to try the Creme Brulee au Chocolate au Lait and Braised Short Ribs in Cabernet with Mashed Potatoes) I've already had the escargot in years past, it was ok actually.

Germany
-Apfel Strudel featuring Werther's Original Karamell Sauce
-Altenmunster Octoberfest beer

Greece
Sadly did not visit

Hops and Barley
-Boston style Crab Cake with Cabbage Slaw and Remoulade
-New England Lobster Roll
-Sam Adams 15th Anniversary Festival Beer

Ireland
-Guinness beer
-Did not eat there but was recommended the Lobster and Scallop Fisherman's Pie

Italy
-Moretti Beer
-We were recommended the Baked Cheese Ravioli with Creamy Bolognese Sauce and Melted Mozzarella, however it tasted like Chef Boyardee

Japan
Sadly did not visit, but standard fair for Food & Wine

Morocco
-Beef in a Pita Pocket...it tasted like a seasoned hamburger pattie in a pita pocket, ok but not delicious
-Iced Mint Tea
-Tangerine Mimosa Royale yum

New Zealand
-Seared Sea Scallop with Veggie Slaw and Lemon Oil

Poland
-Kielbasa and Potato Pierogies with Caramelized Onions and Sour Cream
-Golabki...yum

Puerto Rico
Sadly did not visit

Singapore
-Shrimp Cake with Singapore Noodle Salad
-Tiger Beer

Spain
-Spanish Almond Cake (tasted like the filling of a bear claw)
-Paul Cheneau "Lady" Blanc de Blancs Cava wine

South Africa
Sadly did not visit

South Korea
-Lettuc Wrap with Roasted Pork and Kimchi Slaw...yum

United States
Believe it or not...did not try, but I had no desire to eat Bison Chili (?)


As you can see, there is a very eclectic menu and offerings at the Internation Food & Wine Festival. EPCOT is just such an amazing place, this is like icing on the cake. I hope anyone who reads this gets to enjoy every aspect of the Food & Wine Festival...it's just so much fun!



**A post about our trip and pics to come!**

Gravley Heritage

I think a lot of people often wonder about their heritage, who their ancestors are and just where they came from. I've read a lot of information regarding my family and from a very young age. I was able to read about my family as they came to Texas from the Carolina's. The book this information came from described in detail the lives of many of my ancestors. I guess because I've had some access to this information and have had so many great Gravley's to look up to and in my life, I am proud to say... I'm a Gravley. It's not a common name and there are really no amazing accomplishments my family attributed to in the formation of our country or anything like that (that I'm aware of anyway)...BUT, there's a VERY long lineage. I can remember reading or hearing something about my family coming from England...Hertfordshire to be precise. So I took it upon myself to Google "Gravley+Hertfordshire, England" (or something like that). I quickly realized there's an actual village in England named after my family. Graveley, Hertforshire, England. Granted, it's spelled a little differently, but I will never forget reading the Coat of Arms that used to be on my Mammaw & Pappaw's wall (in the hallway, just before their bedroom)...it read that ALL members of the family, regardless of the spelling, are related. So, obviously, this village is a part of my family...right? I mean, I'm no expert and I'm certainly not deluded enough to truly believe this town IS named after my family...BUT, seriously? Coincidence? I think not. It is my goal, to one day, visit this village and see, quite possibly, my family's extensive heritage, in person. Sure, there may be a lot of research to be done to link my family name of Gravley to Graveley, but I'll do it. I dunno, it just adds even more pride of my family name to me...especially since some of the things I've read take this village back to the 12th century!

So, without further ado, here are a few pics I've found of Graveley, Hertfordshire... and here's the website!

It's Funny The Things You Remember...

I recently ran across a post on Facebook of a friend that, as an adult, has an ear infection. I instantly had a memory of my mom heating up some kind of oil or something, putting it in my ear followed by a cotton ball and I laid there with my head in her lap. I don't remember the pain of the ear infection but I remember laying my head in her lap and knowing I would be ok. (To my mom: it was in that chair, next to the hallway of the mobile home...LOOOONG before the house was built). Anyway, it's strange the memories I have of my childhood, it's strange the things I can remember but no one else does. Perhaps it's because I was so impressionable at such a young age. Who knows. While many of you really don't care about this, it's something I feel like getting out there. After remembering that incident of an ear infection around the age of 3 or 4, many things came to mind. Here are a few of my earliest memories, not in chronological order and this is not an exhaustive list:

1. Shortly after moving to Gunter (I think), I remember being in the mobile home, back porch not yet built (there were stairs at the sliding glass door). The person watching me/us, Grandad Williams.

2. I remember being in a truck with some family members (not sure who all was there but I do know Cindy and maybe Christy?) and it broke down just south of Celina (near where the Shell station is now?).

3. I remember being in my Dad's truck, I think it was red/white? I was standing in the seat, wearing boots and I got mud on that seat. I knew it wasn't a good thing.

4. My dad sat me in his lap as we were driving down the road and I GOT to drive!

5. I remember when Pappaw would always do something to me I didn't like, like pinch my cheek or something silly, he'd say "I'm sorry, do you accept my apology?" Something to that effect. So one time, he asked and I thought (literally remember this), "What if I say no?", so I said, "No" or shook my head, I remember feeling like I actually hurt his feelings....FYI, he was holding me at the time! Not sure how old I was then.

6. I remember learning to ride a bike without training wheels...I believe it was Fall or Winter, there was no green grass, it was brown. Someone, I think my Dad, was pushing me on my bike between our house and Mammaw & Pappaw's house.

7. I remember wanting to stay the night at Donna & Billy's house and poking my Dad in the eye (not intentionally). It was the house in Carrollton next to the RR track.

8. I remember the day Donna had her aneurysm. We were having corn dogs for dinner, when the phone rang...

9. I remember when DeeDee lived with us and sat outside our door in a rocking chair to make sure we stayed in bed. I also remember when she referred to George Michael as a "hunk" and wondering what that meant while wondering if Boy George was a man or a woman...as she watched music videos in the living room.

10. I remember when my parents built the house, my mom kept saying, "For Christmas, we're going to tie a big red bow around this house." She lied. I literally thought we were not gonna have any gifts, only the house (for which I was truly grateful). However, Santa came to visit...again. Best. Christmas. Ever. lol

11. Speaking of Christmas, I swear I remember one night waking up to SEE Santa. I saw him that night, looking at family pictures (I promise, he was wearing the "uniform" and everything!)....I could SWEAR (to this day) he was there (if it was my Dad dressed as Santa, please don't kill that memory lol). So, maybe that's why I love the holiday's so much...it's not about the money or the hassle, it's about being with my family and that *certain* magic that's continuously in the air that time of year.

As I said before, this list is definitely not exhaustive. Hell, I remember when my cousin Brandi was born, the day Grandad Williams passed and what Nanny Williams wore that day, the green room/the mini-organ/Doublemint gum at Nanny Rhea's....and, of course, holiday's everywhere...Pappaws "film" camera (where is that video BTW? It was made into VHS at some point, I want to copy it!)...I'll never forget it all. I remember so much that, when it comes to these holidays especially, it becomes so sentimental that I try to enjoy every aspect.

I actually remember my childhood and I would not change that for the world.

Tap, tap...

...is this thing on??? I'm not trying to come across like I'm bitching or anything but I've posted quite a bit and had quite a few views, according to that blogger app thingy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in need of conversation, but when I see people that have viewed this blog from not only North Texas, but everywhere...I begin to wonder, why don't they respond? Well, to everyone I say...PLEASE respond! If you don't want to, that's fine, no problem, I'll continue to post in a semi-regular way lol. Just saying, wondering...is there anyone reading this blog besides me?

Carrie Underwood

A seemingly short 6 years ago, this young lady was dazzling America on the stage of American Idol and now she's a household name. I vividly remember watching and listening as she sang Alone by Heart and Simon predicted she would not only win but become the biggest selling Idol winner of all previous Idols...what.a.prediction! Not only did he get it right, but she's gone on to sell (probably, I'm no expert) more albums than ANY Idol since that season. She's won numerous awards upon awards, and rightfully so (unlike some artists who shall remain nameless *cough*Taylor Swift*cough*). On Saturday night, we had the pleasure of seeing her in concert at the American Airlines Center. WHAT A SHOW! Now, I knew after receiving those awards as Entertainer of The Year that she would put on a good show...but THIS...well, it exceeded my expectations!

For starters, we had great seats, one section back from the stage on the floor. At one point she stood in the bed of a blue truck that floated over the audience. Seam said, "She's coming this way!" I was ecstatic, couldn't wait, she was singing Country Roads by John Denver. However, the BEST part, not only did the truck stop just above us...BUT...it then LOWERED down closer to the audience. Yep, ladies and gentlemen, Carrie Underwood was 10 feet away from ME! I couldn't be happier if I were a pig in...well, you get the idea.

On of the other highlights of the show came following her song Jesus, Take The Wheel. Now, many of you know, I'm not a religious person but that does not mean that I cannot be moved by "religious music". So, she finishes Jesus, Take The Wheel and immediately breaks out with How Great Thou Art. It gave me chills. It was, for lack of a better word, amazing.

She also sang her hit, Temporary Home. This song is so moving to me. Most especially the last verse regarding an old man in a hospital bed, surrounded by people he loves. It really hit's home with me. I can remember going to see my Pappaw at the hospital after he was given his prognosis...5-8 weeks. I'll never forget it. We were all there, surrounding his bed. Everytime I hear this song, I'm anticipating the huge emotion it creates in me in the last part. Again, she is such an amazing artist with a voice no one can touch.

Her encore was Before He Cheats, it was awesome as expected and, while this is nothing new when it comes to concerts, there was a portion of the song where she stopped singing, the music stopped being so loud and the AUDIENCE carried the song. I dunno, I guess I feel like it's something powerful when an artist is singing a song and the audience is audibly singing along, it feels so much more than it is...does that makes? Anyway, awesome show and I highly encourage anyone and everyone to go see her in concert...truly incredible.


Below are some videos we took at the show, now keep in mind we FORGOT the dang camera! So these were taken via iPhone. However, one is NOT our video (thanks xoMichelleF on YouTube), I just felt like I should include it given the moving performance....Jesus, Take The Wheel+How Great Thou Art

The Cake...

My niece's 5th birthday is quickly approaching (October 11th). I feel like a 5th birthday is some sort of milestone birthday, I guess because that means the child is "in school". I'm not sure why, but that seems to fit my reasoning. Emma, my niece, is already in school and doing wonderfully, she loves it. Emma, like me at that age, is unable to enter "actual" Kindergarten since her birthday falls in October, so Pre-K it is. Her birthday party is October 9th at my parent's home. There will be family and friends alike, it will be a great time. I kept thinking what do we want for the theme? Emma has her sights set on a Spongebob theme. Well ok, I guess, I mean it IS her birthday, but I hate Spongebob. So, ok, that's cool, I can deal with it...but then she says, "I want a mermaid cake!" Hello Disney fanatic, welcome to The Little Mermaid! Of course, it may NOT be the "mermaid" she wants, but it's what we (meaning Seam and I) had in mind.



Fast forward a couple of days...Seam shows me the cake pics/designs on Facebook from a friend of his and, immediately I know, this person MUST make Emma's birthday cake! Ok, so the pic I saw was a Tinkerbell cake but still, if Tinkerbell could be done, then so must Ariel (aka The Little Mermaid)...right? Here's the picture I saw...



Obviously it was made with a child's heart in mind, so of course I wanted to have this person make the cake. Seam had lunch with his friend (who made this cake), beforehand he told me he "had a vision" of what it should look like. I know Seam loves Emma as much as I do, so I figured, ok...you handle it. From what I know, the actual cake will be an Almond-"something" flavored, who knows the "something" part since Seam doesn't really pay attention. However, he said he wanted it to be "ocean blue" with Ariel sitting on the top layer with Flounder and Sebastian just beneath her...great job right? I cannot wait to see it! Seam is paying for it, he's figuring about $100-200 for the cake. I highly DOUBT it will be THAT expensive since the person creating this cake is a friend of his. That being said, I hope Emma loves the cake...Hell, I hope I do! LOL! I guess we'll see. Her birthday party is Oct 9th, so pics will follow. I cannot wait to celebrate her birthday!

UPDATE: Her birthday cake was absolutely beautiful! It was delicious and everything I'd hoped for! Here's a pic (below)...by the way, all that blue, yeah, not fondant but BUTTERCREAM ICING! Racene, the person who made the cake, is INCREDIBLE!

Another Strange Dream...

I'm all excited because I just won a large sum of money, not sure exactly how much, but it didn't matter...I won. To announce me as the winner, on a national basis, I was to appear on live television with a mystery host. The excitement was overwhelming, I kept thinking of all I could do with this amount of money (again, no idea how much but it didn't matter). So I arrive at the "lot", step inside and my nerves are almost too much to handle. I hit the stage, hear the audience cheer and quickly realize I'm on the "set" of Growing Pains and the host is Alan Thicke (the father in the TV show Growing Pains). Strange I thought, but it didn't matter, because I am now RICH! So, then, they put a light in the audience, I see only 2 people I know....Misty and her brother Jeffrey...weird. I wave like I'm some kind of celebrity. Then I see my niece Emma, ask her to come on stage with me and she heads up there. I introduce her to everyone (the world I guess). She was wearing a neon green shirt and jeans, I remember thinking, "What did her mother do to her hair?!?!" But it looked ok. Then, oddly enough, I was asked to sing a song, what? Again, strange. So I sang a song I've only heard ONCE...and coincidentally enough, I just heard it this past week on an episode of Glee. The uber weird thing is (besides ME singing in front of an audience AND TV), I now know the words to this song. I'm not quite sure how or why, but I do now (consciously)know the words just as I did in the dream. Strange...again!

I'm thinking I was watching Glee from the Tivo just before I went to sleep, I'm not sure though. I don't remember turning it on, but maybe I did and this is some subconscious way of learning something (the song), I dunno. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the song I sang in the dream LMAO...not sure why!




So what does this mean? Who knows

Dear Mother Nature...

Dear Mother Nature,

For the last few+ months I've hated you, I'll admit it. The heat, humidity and relentless torture you bestowed upon us was unacceptable. However, you are slowly but surely redeeming yourself. I, for one, am happy that these past few months are only a memory. The very fact that the next couple of days' high will be below 80 is a testament to your giving nature, no pun intended. See, I'm a sucker for Fall, and, truthfully, I'm a sucker for winter. So it must be said, I'm excited for the next 6 months weatherwise. Should you decide that a massive snowstorm is needed, you have my permission. Actually, ok I'll go out on a limb here, I REQUEST a massive snowstorm....just one, please. Ice, ehh it's ok, it will do...but snow is awesome! Last year's Christmas Eve was lovely, in February we had 11" of snow in one day...BRAVO! Let's see what happens...but just a word of warning, if there will be no major snow storms or ice storms, then it MUST be cold...bitterly cold. If it's not, my hatred will continue. Let's face it, you don't want me hating you...right? Hello? Right? Does it even matter to you? Hello?.................

*tap* *tap* Hello?



Dear Weather Channel and Meteorologists everywhere,

I've heard so many lovely things about you. Please tell Mother Nature I'm not mad at her! I just want to be her friend!

Sincerely,
Kevin

Mad at Disney

Of course I could never truly be mad at Disney, I mean c'mon. However, I must say I'm disappointed. Ok, so, I'm mostly disappointed in my negligence to actually look into advertisements instead of just trusting what I see/hear as true....I should know better right?

Here we go...we purchased our flights to Orlando on Tuesday of this past week...woohoo! We got really good, nonstop flights on American at a very reasonable price. Score! Yeah, not so fast. The next day, Seam says, "Call Disney, book the vacation and put down the deposit. We'll pay the rest in a couple weeks." Awesome! I thought. So, I call and OF COURSE the free dining plan is not available since it's a blackout date. WHHHAAAAATTTT?!?!? I mean it's the slowest time of year, why NOT give me the dining plan?!?! Nope, the black out dates are 10/28-11/11, we're going 11/2-11/9...smack dab in the middle of said blackout UGH! So, instead I listen to the spiel about how much we would save by purchasing this dining plan, I mean it makes sense, it really does BUT it's NOT FREE like expected. Basically instead of it costing around $1400 total for two people, hotel+tickets+dining, it will now cost just over $2K for the SAME thing! It's very frustrating especially since we ALREADY bought the flight...GRRR!

So, now one of 4 things will happen. We will either change the dates of the flight and incur a penalty, purchase the deal as is and suck it up, stay off Disney property (UGH) or stay on property, not pay for dining and fork out the dough. Frustrated...but I will get over it because...I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!

Purchasing a Flight

For those who may have run across this blog looking for pointers, you may find a few, but that's not my intent. My intent is to vent. See, we're planning a trip to Walt Disney World in early November and have decided to go ahead and purchase our flight. This is sort of a battle, while at times I'm ready to just say, "buy it now!", Seam isn't and vice versa. So we find ourselves in limbo. I've always been told there are certain periods of the week to fly because airfare is typically cheaper...those days are primarily Tuesdays and then Wednesdays, then of course it's imperative to return on either a Sunday, Monday or Tuesday (Ya know, Saturday night stay and all). This has always worked in the past and, by all accounts, it's still the case (unless you're going to Vegas)...right now, we'll be leaving on a Tuesday and returning the following Tuesday. The problem has become this...we recently found out that since most travelers purchase airfare on the weekend, it's best to avoid that because prices are generally higher. So then the question is...WHEN TO PURCHASE?!?!? It's like a lottery! So far, we've found the prices fairly consistent...$199 per person roundtrip. Albeit a GOOD (if not GREAT) price, we're thinking we may luck out and get it cheaper. See, the thing is, BEFORE the recession, I actually found roundtrip airfare/nonstop on Delta for around $135 per person...UNHEARD OF...supposedly. So I believe, in the back of Seam's mind, he's remembering this and thinking, "let's just wait one more day." The problem is...purchase airfare at a good rate and be happy or wait?

Now, if you ask me...I say PURCHASE NOW (even though I'd like it cheaper, so we can spend elsewhere) but that's only because I'm already giddy thinking about the trip...like a little school girl...and that's truly pathetic. Ok, so I don't care. However, if we purchase now and then it drops...we just have to grin and bear it. Then, when travel time comes, we'll be looking at people boarding the plane, thinking...assholes who got an amazing deal! I guess it doesn't matter because I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!

**Oh, I forgot to mention, we're not only hotel, but airline snobs (thanks to my mom =P jk, kinda)...I'd rather pay more money for a nonstop flight on American Airlines/Delta/Continental/United than save some cash, have a layover and fly a value airline a la ATA or AirTran (are they still in business?). Hey, at least I admit I'm a snob!

Fried Chicken

Ok, this post isn't really about fried chicken, instead it's about those tidbits of cooking knowledge that seem to bypass some people. Tonight, Seam is making "Oven Fried Chicken" and mashed potatoes. It's not really something I'm wanting, but I'm neither cooking nor paying for those groceries, so it's ok...I guess. I mean, I will have to clean up the mess, it's one of those give/take things...sort of, I always have to clean when Seam cooks AND I always have to clean when I cook, I swear sometimes I think I should've been a maid. However, some people, or just one, would question me about being a maid when obviously my career choices thus far are sub par...you know who you are. Moving on...

There are certain skills that Seam seems to lack, albeit he will (occasionally) listen when I correct him. For example, just because the heat is up higher does NOT mean it cooks faster, ie those steaks he made once that were black on the outside and full of blood in the middle. Also take tonight's recipe, it actually calls for boneless/skinless chicken breasts, what is he using? Leg quarters! I said, "Seam, you will have to adjust the cooking time" "Why?" he says. "Well it says boneless breasts and you have bone in dark meat chicken..." "The bone just adds flavor" "yeah well I don't care for Salmonella" I reply. Things like this make me wonder...where did I get this knowledge? I mean, I'm not saying I'm anywhere near an expert, but I do know that cooking at a lower heat is, often, preferable and I do know that dark meat chicken takes longer to cook than white. I think maybe, well I know, it's all from my mom. She's a cook...not for a living per se...but she knows how to cook and does it well. So, perhaps this knowledge has been handed down AND it doesn't hurt that, at times, I call her just for her advice regarding certain dishes.

The one thing I will say for Seam, he does make some dishes well, with variance. In other words, Seam often likes to add new things or try it a different way and, truthfully, when you have something that's not broken, don't try to fix it! That being said, I will give credit where credit is due...sometimes his food is good. So, as for "Oven Fried Chicken", the jury is still out.

UPDATE: He was going to use the enameled iron pot to cook it in since it can go in the oven, I reminded him that the recipe he's following calls for a 9X13 dish, then had to point out what a 9X13 dish looks like. So he changed his mind (correction by me taken lol). So he puts the butter in the dish and puts it in the oven to melt (recipe recommendation)...shortly after, from the living room I yell, "Seam, check the butter...it smells like it's browning!" Sure enough...yep. I think I'm aggravating him, but the truth is...I'm trying to prevent uncooked, gross chicken and, ultimately, a FIRE.

UPDATE II: Only a dish Julia Child could love. It was complete with meat cooked in lots of butter, mashed potatoes soaked in gravy....completely rich and decadent. I couldn't eat very much of it, but it was ok. The chicken tasted "baked" with a slight crust, yet still had the taste of fried chicken...no doubt due to the butter. The potatoes alone were tasty but smothered in gravy...yeah, tasted like gravy. All in all an ok meal, not for the weak of heart (literally, artery clotting).

**BY THE WAY, why the heck are chicken leg quarters $3 and boneless chicken breasts $9 for the SAME amount (lbs)???? No offense to those that are butchers, but let's get real, it's not rocket science. I guess I should just buy a freakin' whole chicken next time.***

Strange Dream

So, it's Saturday afternoon, I had just got off work, had lunch and, of course, about an hour later...drowsiness sets in. I fall asleep, incidentally, I never plan naps these days, they just kinda happen lol. I had the strangest dream, it all started with my family (minus Kendra for some reason) staying in some home somewhere far away from here. I was alone in the home and noticed a bat...chaos ensued because it kept chasing me and Hero. THEN, the owners of this house came home and it turned out they were our relatives (of course, I have no idea who they actually were but in my dream...relatives). I asked about the bat flying around, they said it was surveillance from the neighbors. Then this woman (a "cousin") opened the front door where I see a wolf (a la True Blood) with glowing eyes standing in the distance. Apparently they were the neighbors...werewolves. I was then informed that I should grab my wand since I'm part warlock. Um ok. So I grabbed my wand. Let me just say, I immediately recognized "my wand"...it was a plastic chopstick (that's currently in the utensil drawer lol) that while in the dishwasher fell and landed on the heating element and is now all warped and charred in places...just my luck, a jacked up wand. Of course I had no idea how to use it but apparently the events following the wolf and the bat warranted an immediate escape. Of my family members, I was now the only one in the house, I was told they had been sent home earlier that day. Ok, I guess. We entered a small bus, similar to an airport shuttle, it had been converted inside to resemble a small apartment. Somehow, someway, I was transported to a dark desolate road in the middle of nowhere. All I had was my jacked up wand and a scooter, like a Razor scooter, I'm slowly making my way when I see lights ahead at an intersection. I come to a stop at the intersection when a man comes up behind me asking if I want some Tequila, I politely said no and went straight through this intersection...on a scooter, foot paddling away. I was scared because he started mouthing me and all I had to get away was A SCOOTER. He obviously was keeping up with me on foot...I mean, A FREAKIN' SCOOTER. Then, I suddenly remember...MY WAND! So I begin desperately trying to remember the spells/charms/whatever from Harry Potter! I suddenly had 6 wands (aka chopsticks) and pointed them in the air, yelling LUMOS! That's where the wand turns into a flashlight of sorts for those unaware lol. I thought if I did that, my "cousins" might know I'm in danger...similar to the Batman light? LMAO. So I feel like it's not working and I quickly realize that not only is there one man chasing me but THREE! I kept racking my brain, what are the other spells from that damn movie! So I yell STUPEFY! It seemed to work briefly but not long enough for me to get away. I'm now barely "scooting" past a a corn field and "wisely" decide to get off the scooter and run through the field. Of course, it didn't work! I kept turning around and yelling...STUPEFY! then PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! then ALOHOMORA! (incidentally that last charm is used to unlock doors! UGH) So magically, no pun intended, my "cousin" shows up to defend me. I wake up, mystified by the dream but still wishing I had some kind of magical powers lmao! Oh well...crazy dreams.